Shaky

Hi, well the last few days have been a bit rough. I did my lowerbody work out today, i must say i found myself really short of breathe throughtout my work out, it was SO EMBARRASSING... i think it was from my antics the other night...hmmmm not impressed! Im shaking a lot and am short of breathe, am wondering if it's mild anxiety... maybe im getting withdrawals again. Who knows...but one things for sure, im still really mad at myself, as today would have been another step closer to total FREEDOM, i just feel as if i have gone backwards. I ate a lot of crap yesterday too, full of preservatives... it wouldn't suprise me if it was the preservatives causing me to feel like this either. Anyway, im back on track, now i am free to go ahead and work out as per usual, so am looking forward to a 100% week on diet and exercise! That's my goal for this week, to start working toward my goal of losing 2mm per week until im back down to about 53/54kg. It's only 3kg but i know how hard it can be to budge that last bit. I don't care if it's slow though, i've got the rest of my life, i'd rather get it off slowly and keep it off rather than move it quickly and go up and down as i have been over the passed few months.

So that's me, i feel ok, but good because i know i am making the right decision and am proving to myself and daniel just how strong i really am. The other day he rtied giving me the option to stay smoking until the end of next week when he reckons he'll be ready to quit. It's like the sinking ship scenario i guess, people don't like to be the last ones off as it makes them feel alone and stupid. I supposed he thought that if i smoked until then it wouldn't be so hard for me. Hoewever, when i made the decision to give up i meant it. Going back for me now would just be rediculous, it would be like losing all this weight then saying, well i've had a bad week of eating, so what the heck, lets get fat all over again, and torture myself. Stupid huh, you just wouldn't do it and that's how im treating this stupid addiction. I made a point of telling dan that it will be easier for him to quit if im already over the worsed as i wont be mood swinging, i think he sees my point. He's been good about it, ie not smoking around me and he's smoking ALOT less, and i know deep down he really does want to be where i am , NO SMOKERS ENJOY BEING SMOKERS, and if ALL SMOKERS could have a choice of waking up to never want another cigarette for the rest of their lives they would do it. I guess you just havew to want other things more than the cigarettes to get off them.

ANyw2ay, that's enough from me for today. THanks everyone for all of your support.
luv kat