Friday, September 30, 2005

I WANNA GO HOME

OK that's it i've had enough.... i wanna go home! Still a whole week to go! ~sigh~ I was perfect all day today...ate crap tonight though, lollies, chips, fast food sheesh....on a poisitve note though... not that there is really anything very positive about my last couple of hours eating is i only ordered a WHopper Jnr and only a med fries, i threw half of both out...which i never would have done before... i would have just eaten it all for the sake of it... because i paid for it. So i guess that's a positive. I couldn't work out tonight because i didnt have a car and it was howling and pouring down with rain so I couldnt walk...all my work out clothes were soaking wet....i want the sunshine back. At least when im at my bosses next week he has a treadmill so i can work out anytime i want no excuses! YAY!

THE CHALLENGE - i have my goal...but and i hope i will reach it. Im so close. Going to go curl up and watch a movie, it's the perfect weather for it!

Nightxxx

improvement

Well, i must say i am really proud of myself for being able to come away and keep on my program! I got up early and went to the gym...twice but it was closed both times ~weird~ so i hit the road in 40 knot winds....then did abs at home! YAY....it means i'm progressing within myself! I must say I did think about piking....but remembered my goal...so knew i had to do it. After all as they say the road to success is never easy and is rarely convenient! today proved that!

on the gym thing. It has been really good for me being able to use a gym, even just to watch the other patrons. You know, i've been watching all these girls turn up everyday i'm there (impressed with that a lone for starters) but feel kind of sorry for them because i have been observing their work outs and boy are some of them supercharged....they're doing their reps and sets way too quickly and some have very poor form. It took me back to my previous gym days....when i was going frequently but there was very little support offered by staff. Don't get me wrong, they're friendly and they will help if you ask, but i really feel that if they're there anyway it wouldn't hurt to be wandering around the gym giving simple instructions on how to improve workouts, afterall, it would improve the customers results = keeping them motivated enough to continue membership. It's made me surer than ever that i want to pusue a career in the fitness industry!

So things are good....i am learning everyday. Thanks everyone for all of your support!

Kat

Thursday, September 29, 2005

GYM

i went to the gym again today.... i love being able to use machines! the guys in there have been SO nice, they aren't charging me anything extra to go on of an evening and do cardio (have to coz it's raining lots!)

I've been sticking to my program - except i have had a few bad things. I can't beat myself up over it though because it's a waste of energy. I just want to be able to make a lasting change. I am getting better, at least i can stop now, i used to just eat and eat.... now if i have something bad i only have a little bit (and i am not slipping up that often.)

Tomorrow is my QUIT day AGAIN - i've decided that there is no time like the present.... they're making me moody and taking so much away from my life.... i reckon once i stop smoking for good i will control everything else in my life a lot better! Sounds so stupid, i try quitting all the time, i'm sick of failing but they way i see it i have nothing to lose by trying! I've failed a lot of things a lot of times but succeeded eventually because i learned from my failures....if erica and rae can do it i can do it!!!

K, enough dribble from me. Take it easy.

kat

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

YAY

yep - you girls are right! This afternoon i got my act together. Totally clean day - and i FINALLY got to the gym YAY!I went for a big run and did abs and now i am satisfied! Woohoo

now i am comfortable with it the rest of my week will be complete....with hard work and dedication i will still fit everything in except one cardio session - yes it will require hard work am and pm....yes Erica and Rae the cancer sticks HAVE GOT TO GO I thought i was going to beat it last time, but if there is anything i have learned from this program it's that persistance pays off and i know i'll get there!

You guys want to know something!? My mum of all people..... the one person you would think would be encouraging and supportive walked in with a bag of chips to share with me when she KNOWS what i'm doing....agghgh i don't know why i'm suprised.... so anyway... back on track, feeling good, making myself mentally strong!

night

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

HELP

How can someone be so encouraged then let it all turn to shit.........ahhh ~sigh~ i got a bit depressed today - i'm not liking my environment.....smoking again - emotionally eating biscuits - chocolate whatever.

Spent too much money...cant work out...i'm trying to be positive and call on the strong person i was a few hours ago before i got off the plane...Dan said tonight.. "you're so close to achieving your goal... don't give up now and let it get to you" words of wisdom, i miss him and i am so mad at myself for ignoring my better judgement.

I'm going to read some motivational stuff.....get myself out of this rut. ~sigh~ thanks for everyones support! i need it!

EEK!

Just got dressed - donned spunky (warmer ) running outfit - opened the door (any normal person would have looked out the window first ) it is HIDEOUS!!! it's blowing a gale - like not just windy but stormy....and it's started to rain again .... think i might sit this one out! Going to go sign up at gym a little earlier than anticipated! one thing i forgot about when planning my work out roster was the weather! bugger!

First night away

Well, i've just spent my first night away. The plane ride went quick and i was so excited about seeing my family I was almost in tears as i departed the plane....hmmm short lived lol! Read on...

Just kidding. The adventure so far.....

The plane ride..

Well I was so STOKED with myself! i ate clean all day, had food prepared for the flight, sat through the whole flight, turned down the complimentary meal, gave my biscuits to the cute kid in the row across from me, didn't eat my 'free' kit kat or the other pack of biscuits they gave to me omg....i really have changed, i was absolutely at peace with myself as i departed. Then i meet my mum and head for the dreaded trip passed all the take away joints (i haven't seen a Maccas or HJ's in almost 10 months - there is NO fast food in the little town i come from) i anticipated it being 'tea' time when i got off the plane and was all prepared for mum offering to take me through Hungry Jacks as in the passed it has been my favourite... thankfully she'd already had KFC before she picked me up - that was after already having HJ's for lunch (did i mention my family is overweight...needless to say!) so they were full by the time i got off the plane which was cool because i asked them to stop at Subway where i got a chicked salad - right in the same vecinity as all the bad take away. Truth be known i doubt i would have eated the crap anyway as my belly was still feeling a bit unnerved from my previous antics...so it was one battle won for me...it's left me feeling a whole lot more confident about being away!

First i stopped to meet my new nephew..... now i know that i may be a tad biased, but he is the cutest baby i've ever seen, i said hello, aunty kaddy's so glad to meet you...you're such a gorgeous boy and he layed there smiling at me... i was kinda chuffed...he needed a nappy change about 5 mins later... so now i'm very much doubting he was smiling at me! :0)

The unpacking...

Well, they pulled the piss out of me because my boobs are now almost non existant, bagged me when they realised i bought my gymstick to 'workout' then laughed in sheer disbelief when i pulled out my scales that i bought a long to weigh my food.... by this stage mum was sitting at our kitchen table hoing in to a bowl of trifle (and i wonder where my food issues stem from!?!) by this stage i lost it and said... You want to know why i use scales?~ It's so i can look like this and it's exactly why you look like that ! ouch.... could have been a little more smoothe with that one! Anyway...my big dreams of saving my mum from herself are dashed.... because i already know that you CAN NOT help someone who doesn't want to be helped. As for me, it's made me more certain as to why i have adopted my life style...it's soooo funny, in the same breath she asked me why i wasn't drinking, she also commented that i shouldn't drink because i sometimes get nasty - - - like no shit! So anyway, morale to story... they remind me of what i DONT want to be.... all i can do is plug away and i hope they get something positive and inspiring out of it!Now most people would have thought after your family seeing you overweight and miserable after seeing you strut off the plane confident, healthy and fit they would be blown away and commenting on it.... i had to ask before i got praise!@ unbelievable it was liek they were secretly happy i'd finally got fat too....

Glad that is all out of my system aggghhhh! To top it all of i have only had about 4 hours sleep because it is so god damned cold here! For instace - i hate sleeping with clothes on... last night i went to bed with socks, jammy pants, singlet and long sleeved top and was still FREEZING snuggled below about 4 blankets! I'm only 2 hrs south of Perth but i have obviously climatised quite well to our gorgeous northern climate. Kaddy+cold = never living here ever again!

On a more positive note i read my "Think yourself slim" book by Paul McKenna. It was excellent, well so i thought, because i think everything he says i really need to do, like i eat like an automatic haulage truck... so yes i liked it. However the only thing i am confused about is the "eat whatever you want" i am supposing that "whatever you want" should be good foods - which i think he means you will eventually eat regardless of thought. I'm not so sure... anyway, i still have a few weeks left on this plan before I start another... and really the foods i'm eating now i DO want because i know they're helping me further towards my goal. So i'm going to try adopting the system. Will let you know how i go.

I want to go for a run....hmmm it's freezing cold, it's been raining all night and i really DONT want to get rained on sheesh... i never realised how good i had it re exercising up north...we complain about the wind... i vow to be happy with what i've got from now on! Geeze - i'm going to do it anyway.... if not for the experience.,... what's the worsed thing that could happen?! I get rained on....at least a hot shower will be available at the end.

I hope you've found this post as amusing as i have found writing it!

Chat soon! xxx

Monday, September 26, 2005

clean food rules

Hullo - if you don't want to read about attacking yourself cover your eyes now and skip to next paragrapgh! :-) OK, yes, i did it again - managed to get myself blind drunk - hey it was fun at the time - im an idiot! I was telling myself off the whole time "don't do it - think of the calories agghh....that was the voice of the little angel sitting upon my right shoulder "who cares...she'll be right...they taste goooooood, have another" the voice from the darker side sitting upon my left shoulder....almost like a scene from Alli McBeal......fighting against the turmoil and then you all know what happens when you're hungover....i tried to start the day off on the right foot...slurping down porridge mixed with a protein shake...i only just managed to keep it down, and the rest of the dayt i dont want to tlak about...

so, i then gave myself a good talking to yesterday morning when i woke3 up feeling as if i had had someone jumping up and down on my head all night...was it worth it? NO. THe worse thing is, that when you're eating clean you don't even realise how much your energy levels are increased until you do something stupid like i did and every last ounce is zapped from your body whilst it tries to recover you feel l,ike crap~!!

I got up this morning - gym clothese on - hmmm gym clothes back off again - i didn't think i could face a work out - but due to my unforgivable behaviour put them back on again and went for a run, as i knew it would be the only thing to make me feel better.

K well, now i've confessed my sins, gotta go pack bags as i am flying out today! catchya

xxxx

Friday, September 23, 2005

Toy of the Week!

Day 4 as a non smoker and feeling awesome! well kind of awesome - i feel up beat and positive but have hardly slept for the last three nights and have been doing intense cardio and have forgotten to have carbs the last couple of lunches so my energy is dwindling. i have learned the best way to miss "good stuff" is to be deprived of it! I no longer can have fruit in my diet til the end of this program - i'm actually tempted to make my 'free' meal a fruit salad, i see people walk in to the shop eating apples and my mouth starts to water! funny, i didn't realise how much i loved fruit until it was gone. WHen i ate fruit before i only ate it because i HAD to :-)

I bought myself an ipod shuffle the other day! They are the BEST work out accessory! They are so light and you can fill them with so many songs! So you can have groovy motivational music with you on the go that doesn't weigh a tonne@! i love it - best buy ever! I decided i could have it becuase i am paying it off with the money i am saving on cigarettes. At $40 a week, that isn't many weeks to pay it off! I love it!

My Paul McKenna books still haven't turned up.....i am spewing because i wanted to take them away with me! I hope they come today! I go away on Monday - i have everything worked out for whilst i am away:
Roster as follows:

Week 8 - Mums
MONDAY - home
AM:abs, Day1, Mod Intensity Cardio
PM: will be flying in late

TUESDAY
AM:jog
PM:Powerwalk

WEDNESDAY
AM:abs, Day 2, Mod Intensity Cardio
PM:Powerwalk

THURSDAY
AM:Day 1, Mod Intensity Cardio
PM:jog

FRIDAY AM:
abs, Day 2, 29 min int training
PM: break

SATURDAY
AM: Powerwalk
PM:

SUNDAY
AM: Powerwalk
PM:

WEEK 9 - Petes
MONDAY - Bunbury Gym
AM: abs, Day 1, 29 min intervals
PM: Mod Intensity Cardio

TUESDAY
AM: Day 2, Mod Intensity Cardio
PM:Jog

WEDNESDAY
AM:Powerwalk
PM:Jog

THURSDAY
AM:abs, Mod Intensity Cardio
PM:Powerwalk

FRIDAY
AM:Powerwalk, Day 2
PM: meet mum

SATURDAY -fly home
AM:abs - day 1 - powerwalk
PM: unpack

SUNDAY- home
AM: REST
PM: REST

Published on line just incase i lose my roster. So I am prepared - have found a gym and found out prices, have prepared myself for probable bad food scenarios...;organised an away shopping list..... so we'll see how it goes! i do know i like all this planning and control though~!

Good news! I think i may be finally tying the knot in Feb before we leave for our big trip. Just something low key with close family and friends! So guess what that means! Pre wedding body blitz! Some hard core refining - etched abs - tight gluts - noticeable biceps.....hot wedding dress! can't wait!

Will write from mums! Good luck girls....keep up the good work! Can't wait to see your 6 week pics Erica - and your final pics Amanda!

CHat soon! bye

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Power Within

Well, remember i wrote that i was reading "The power within" by TOny Robbins -anyway i am still reading it and have only read a quarter and it has had such an impact on my life! You know what!

DAY 3 WITHOUT A CIGARETTE- the strange thing is this time feels different to any other time - like i went through and did some of the Tony Robbins stuff, made the decision - quit on my nephews "birth day" and havn't looked back. I have been using Sues moitivational quote of " don't concentrate on what you can't have focus on what you can" and that has helped a bucket load. I have only ha dlike 3 cravings the whole time and they have been so minute that they could almost go unnoticable - because i have my head right!

Literature:
Allan Carrs Easy Way to Quit Smoking
Allan Carrs Only Way to Quit Smoking
Paul McKennas Quit Smoking Hypnosis CD (can u believe you can get hypnotised from a CD - i wouldn't have before i did it! but now i use it to help me sleep because it relaxes me so much!)

SO- yes have been a "quit smoking junky" for the past 12 months - reading, reading, writing, reading, preparing.... i knew the day would come, i thought it would be easy, i just didn't believe it could be.... but the combination of removing the "nicotine brainwashing" (Allan Carrs books) - changing my sub conscious habits (Paul McKenna CD) and changing my internal belief System (Anthony Robbins - The Giant Within) combined with getting my body in to a buff healthy state - with lots of goal setting and motivational support (Sue Heintze and Rae Cattach - Idelabodiesonline.com) has got me there................

I asked Dan the other night what his 10 year plan was-------- he couldn't believe what he was hearing......he was gobsmacked, he was like "10 years - i don't know what i'll be doing in 10 minutes" it freaked him out and he went all weird- i think he may feel threatened by my new found strengths - lol, i must sound like a lunatic at moments - raving about my grand schemes and plans, all the training i will do, what i've been eating, what's coming up on the exercise roster, how work is..... all he wants to talk about is fishing and well.... more fishing...gee he is really patient! I hope that while we have some time out on our own when we head off around Australia it will give me an opportunity to spend time with him trying to educate him on belief systems etc etc..... he is going to read Tony Robbins book - i hope it's absorbed...

Well that's enough rattling on from me for one day....i'm getting sick of hearing my own thoughts!

Thanks for everyones support!

Kat

P.S my new little nephew is totally healthy and is going home today.... just 4 more sleeps til i get to meet him! YAY

Monday, September 19, 2005

another day...

First day of week 7 today! oh my god it has gone too fast!

My sister is currently in labour with our families first baby...i am so excited, i wish i could be there@! Anyway, i promised myself i would quit smoking the day he was born, if he holds out a few more hours i'll actually do what i said, if not it'll have to be the day after....anyway, it's got to be done...... i try and i try and i try and i weaken...i just can't believe that i can be so strong in one part of my life and so weak in another.

The rest of my program feels as if it will be quite daunting. Sue has given me heaps more cardio, i guess because i didn't get good enough results in the first six weeks, which pisses me off, because u know what, i worked so hard and was good for most of the time, i now know i have to be MUCH stricter. Anyway i will go on another 12 week stint after this one for some refining. Not that it's an excuse to slacken off because i won't, i am more dedicated then ever before... just those darn ciggies holding me back..... how rediculous... anyway will be soldiering on and kicking butt! literally.

Night

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Challenge – Part 2

The last six weeks has flown – I am happy with my results but I know I could have achieved more. I have been examining my weaknesses so I can give this last six weeks everything I have.

One of my biggest down falls is the love of my life, he means well but I need that extra person to give me a kick up the backside every now and then. So I have changed my approach. He is over me scutinizing EVERYTHING but deals with it exceptionally well, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that just because I want to make changes in my life the world does not stop and every one else isn’t doing the reading to change their mental views on things. I cant understand why in our society it is socially accepted to drink alcohol but not accepted to avoid it. People think you’re being extreme or ‘weird’!

So anyway, back to my Daniel approach. I have had to explain what this challenge means to me and why I need the extra hard core support! I have also asked for Dan to take my final shots! I found my 2 bikinis yesterday for my final shots, I couldn’t believe it, it was like it was meant to be. I hate buying swim wear, but for the first time EVER I picked up 2 pairs of bikinis put them on liked what I saw and bought them. To make it even better they were half price! So I got two pairs of hot play boy brand bikinis for the price of 1! It just kept getting better! Dan – being a male can’t wait to see them on, I have them hanging on my door so we can both see them, he knows he won’t be seeing them on until he takes my final shots! So now I have involved him, we’re talking about where we will take the final pics – somewhere in the great outdoors in one of the many stunning locations we have on the Ningaloo Reef, I’m taunting him with visions of running off in to sand dunes J so I am hoping it will help us both stay focused! I hope I don’t lose too much more weight though, I like being a bit curvy and I like the size of my breasts, which I know will decrease quite a lot if I lose too much more weight, I just really want to lose a bit more fat and really tone up! I hope my bikinis still fit at the end of the six weeks, im sure they will because they’re quite snug now, I’m just hoping they will be PERFECT after putting my ALL into these last six weeks.

READY SET GO! See yas at the finishing line!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

interesting read

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Healthy_cooking_tips?OpenDocument

i found some stuff useful from the above link - thought i'd share it!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A work in progress...2005 in review

Start 2005 - this is me third from the left. I started my first ever 12 week body blitz soon after. I can remember so vividly how i felt so miserable when i got myself dressed that evening - i felt so awful and unattractive - my esteem was really low.

End of First 12 weeks - start of 2nd program!



Left: Here's my start photo from beginning of first ever challenge -i squirm just thinking of it!

Below: not much better - my start pics from this challenge.

Here's me today



here's me today (excuse the funny face :-) ) one and a half programs later....... i try not to think of how much better my results could have been if i had been stricter....instead i remind myself that for most of the time i have stuck to my diet and about 95% of the time worked my butt off doing my abs, weight programs and cardio..... sure in hindsight i could have been much better... but i did my best most of the time and i am not going to waste my energy thinking about it.... upwards and onwards! i have learned a lot about being healthy and a lot about myself. Doing these programs has forced me to try and better my life and my attitude towards myself and others. 6 weeks to go to look b u ti ful... lol
just kidding....... but i can't wait for the end shots!!!!

i'm still learning every day - still trying to better myself, the mental challenge is equally as special as the physical challenge.

THankyou to Sue and Rae for helping me get this far, if you only knew how much your support and encouragement mean to me..........you have helped me change my outlook on life in general.

luv kat xxxx

Monday, September 12, 2005

Week 6 Day 36

Starting Weight: 62 kg
Weight today: 59 kg

I have been dreading typing this blog. I feel like crap, i have been off my diet, drinking a lot and not exercising. I KNOW i have pt weight on and i can feel it. I am SO embarrassed. I go off on such positive tangins then end up on my face. I just can not work out why i KNOW what's good for me, I KNOW what i want to achieve from my body blitz and i damn well know that i shouldn't be consuming alcohol and my head is in such a positive thought wave that i can go back on EVERYTHING!

It all come to a head last night, i've let my friend be my excuse for being slack, it's incredible i haven't been exercising but she still manages to go for walks everyday!!!

Yesterday i was reading the Giant Withing by Tony Robbins when i read something he was saying about immediate gratification vs long term pleasure/pain and the importance of making decisions, knowing that when you make a decision you have to stick to it no matter what, even if it all gets hard- etc it all made so much sense! So, i finally for the first time ever, seriously sat and made the decision to quit smoking. I had to get to this crunch point and now no matter what i am not going back. No excuses - smoking is my reason for drinking and drinking is my reason for not exercising so i thought it was about time i broke the ugly circle. I just want to put so much effort in to my body... i want to nurture, repair and be good to it. Today was the beginning of new life........

I cant wait to get up and go for a run in the morning................

Friday, September 09, 2005

Plugging Away

I got up this morning - did my legs and some interval sprints and felt really good for it! Had chicken ceasr for tea last night - after contemplating Nachos for about 5 mins - i still couldn't deal with taking out the croutons and bacon and i still drizzled it in that awful sauce........i feel like a human.... bad human but human, i hope this Paul McKenna book helps me make my "free won't" stronger!

i felt really bad over the passed couple of days because i've been a bit slack on my cardio, this morning I analyzed my week so far and relaised that in my greater wisdom - knowing myself obviously so well i did a lot of training the two days prior to my friend arriving - obviously anticipating that all may not go to plan following her arrival, i forgot all about my planning i had done before she got here to make sure i would stay on track as much as humanly possible, so now it turns out at this stage i will have a 100% work out week~!!!! YAY, so proud of myslelf for actually learning and absorbing some of the results from previous mishaps and experiences.... even if it was on a sub concious level :-) !!!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

A little work out makes a big impact

I took a couple of hours off work (it is so good to finally have good reliable staff! ~ actually just having some staff is nice!~) went home and did my abs and upperbody workout.

I feel so good in my head for doing it, however feel as if i have two cement bags tied to my eyes - i have come to realise my body really thrives on a healthy life, i now have been reminded why i made the pledge to stay away from booze, it's not good for my heart, soul or mind - at least by the bottleful anyway..... i don't know if i put in as much effort into my workout...guess i'll know tomorrow when my muscles are aching ..... such a pleasurable pain .....

feeling teary...lost and confused.... there is no reason, i guess i'm just tired and hormonal :-) it's great being a woman, at least it keeps me acknowledging that i am a mere mortal and can simply not have an energetic happy life if i am continuously testing my drinking boundries ..... i really believe that this time i have learned the lesson....i'm going to take a week off at the end of my program and head to the big city for shopping and a photo shoot - i'm going to save any boozing for the end and actually go and do something fun like see a band and make a real night of it, i haven't gone and seen a live band in so long..... small country town + 2500 residents = goddamn boring

The small town thing is starting to get to me now, i need new bras...shoes, shampoo and conditioner but the 8 shops that we have don't have anything that i want! would love to go to the movies, have a bath, have a coffee with my mum, there's a lot you miss when you're so far away! However, i must point out, that there is probably more positve then negative - i am just severely shopping starved (23/9/05 - i fly to Perth!!!! aghhhhh bring it on, i will be like a shopping maniac! )
Just read over my post......another woe is me :-) looking forward to going home getting comfy, laying down and relaxing. Tonight = kat + own space + guy mckenna quit smoking audio for two hours = non smoking healthier me .... i hope! will keep you informed!

food food glorious food.....

I picked a really great friend up from the airport on Tuesday, it's been so great to see her. I was so stressed before i picked her up, was nervous about being able to stay on track, i have now confirmed my fears... :-(

I drank lots of wine with her on Tuesday night to celebrate her arrival.... hmmmm, thought i'd get over that by having a 100% eating day yesterday which happenned until dinner, the only problem is she is a chef :-) so i had my grilled fish as planned and salad with a few things in it i shouldn't eat, did i have the strength to pick through the salad and only take what is on my plan NO..... did i turn down the glorious rissotto she prepared NO did i exercise at all yesterday NO... and on top of all of this i haven't been able to sleep for the passed couple of nights so am feeling so tired! there it is my woe is me story....

i even tried to anticipate the challenges i may face when she is here, i showed her my diet... i don't know why i thought that because i'm on one track with food what made me expect the rest of the world would stop what they're doing to jump on my band wagon. oh well can only learn from my mistakes, i'm taking some time off work this afternoon to go be in my own space, do my wweights abs and go for a run, if that doesn't make me sleep like a baby tonight nothing will!

I'm eagerly awainting my Paul McKenna books, can't wait to sink my teeth into them .... literally :-)

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Week 5 Day 28

Starting weight: 62kg
weight today: 59 kg

Well, i must say i am so damn frustrated with myself. I went and wrote my post yesterday and felt so so so good, and then went and did the exact thing i thought i had beaten! I gave in to a couple of drinks and then followed with a bad meal decision to boot@! fish and bloody chips of all things! Well got up this morning and exercised to my hearts content - it made me feel a bit better.

I just ordered the Paul McKenna books yesterday after reading what amelia had to say. I ordered the quit smoking one and think yourself slim! Can't wait to get them! Will do a review once read!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Week 4 Day28

The passed four weeks have flown. i just can not belive i am in to week 5 neally. This challenge has been so good for my life and for my soul. The changes I have made, the knowlege I have gained about fitness and about myslef has been extraordianary. I am really beginning to for once truly love myself and the person that i am and am truly beginning to love my life.

I have come to realise that this is who i am and this is what i want.

I have made some bad decisions over the passed week and have had a couple of drinks here and there but have stuck to my diet and exercise regime about 93% - most days were 100% days ~ however not all were. I now aim for 100% but no longer beat up on myself if i go off track, which i now believe will be my success. Beating up on yourself only does one thing - make you feel negative and end up with an all or nothing approach "stuff it, i've already been bad I may as well keep going" - that mentality is now out the door. I don't sit and dwell on the mistake like i used to, instead i divert the energy into eating properly my next meal - putting more effort into my workouts etc. This has however left me feeling like a nazi. My first couple of weeks had my saying " i can't have that" now i say "I don't want that" . It makes a hell of a difference. I am actually glad i have made the odd mistake because everyone of them i have learned from, and hey realistically what other way is there to learn!?? I am currently reading "The Giant Withing" by Anthony Robbins, it's an awesome empowering book.

Obstacles overcome - a week in review


My biggest hurdle was always going to be alcohol. I suprised myself this challenge however. I am truly focused on my goal and no longer need alcohol in my life. I realised i only ever drank to fit in to a crowd who was drinking - now when I have the odd drink, i have it because I feel like it and I enjoy it. If i don't want a drink I simply don't have one, and of course there are also times i feel like one but don't have one because of the calories and I know all the extra drinks will keep me somewhere i dont want to be. Quite simply, changing my life to this degree has been so awesome for me. Resisting alcohol demons is making me a stronger person. I went to the pub last week to farewell some friends. I felt a little apprehensive before i went as i have never ever ever been to the pub before and not drank! I revewed my goals before I went and got my mind focused, i then tootled off to the pub AND DIDN'T HAVE A SINGLE DRINK!!! Lots of water and diet coke, and the odd crack at me from wellwishers (which i chose to ignore). Footy came around on Friday night, my boss arrived back in town and after a couple of hours I decided to have a beer....at half time I was the only person who hadn't had too much to drink, for the first time ever I wasn't half platered by half time. I did however have another beer and 1/2 a glass of wine over the course of the evening, the other half i poured down the drain because i didn't feel like it....... i know i am sounding like na alcoholic here but the core of my existance for the previous 8 years has been drinking, partying and socialising - all of them together! So my new found strength is very empowering. It may not mean much to most people but it is life changing for me and now i have gained this control i believe i will truly stick with it!

Smoking - let's not talk about this one - still fighting with this demon everyday.....

Conclusion

I am losing weight and people are starting notice, i have changed my ways of thinking and my outlook and I no longer feel like I am fighting myself the whole way - bare in mind this is my second challenge and all of the above has been a work in progress. There are still really hard times but now i am prepared for them and expect them, i am just going to keep plugging a long and give my 100% everyday, because that is the best i can do. I am setting my standards and am my own judge "if it's to be it's up to me"!

Quote of the Week!

"the only way to easy street is through the sewer" Anthony Robbins