You know how there are times when you just know you are being tested? Well i feel as if i've been failing dismally. However, i've gotten really mad at myself now... so am focusing on my warrior attitude to pull me through, something about "success is vary rarely convenient" . My biggest problem of late has been the alcohol again... so my plan of action is to start associating with other people who don't like drinking. This Sat night we have a staff dinner, one of the other girls is detoxing so won't be drinking so we made a pact to do it together... now i'm accountable to someone else and feel as if i have some support.
Now i'm going to be brutally honest, i have to be, even if it hurts, i know i can't blame anyone else for my actions, but i will say that for the last few months i have felt that my boyfriend has been like having an anchor on my feet, he loves me and hes been verbally supportive, i just don't think i've been honest enough with him. I need to sit down and have a huge D & M and let him know how i feel, because, me being me always seems so strong with everything, i have to acknowledge that the poor guy isn't a mind reader.... if i wasn't strong enough to be honest to let him know i was having a hard time than how could i expect him to be supportive?? But the biggest thing now, is me getting my shit together... walk the talk, you hearin' me??!! 
Move away from all the crap that is bringing me down. I've been trying to pick myself up. I haven't tried everything yet though... so i'll keep trying. I just feel as if i've totally been self sabbotaging myself for the last couple of weeks. I think im calling off getting married, there's too much going on, packing up all of our world possessions, packing myself in to a little caravan then trekking back off up here...aghhh... i've felt like i've been drowning - but today I feel as if i've just washed up on the beach - worse for wear but better for the experience. 
time or kaddy to get tuff and kick butt....i just have to get my mind back to where it needs to be to focus on this fight... i'm going home to do lots of positive reading!
3 comments:
You can do it Kat - I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and big hugs :)
You've got so much going on - I'm not surprised you feel like you're drowning, but just tackle each thing at a time and you'll keep getting stronger.
I'm cheering in your corner girl!
Loadsa love, B xx
PS Just sending you a separate email
You've always got my support with whatever you choose to do hon... whether you need me to kick butt or send big cyber hugs... whatever you need!!
Love Rae xxx
THANKYOU! i feel like i need lots of real hugs!!!!! counting down the weeks til i'm on hols...
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