Day 26

Whoah - tired x 100 has just really hit in. Its 3:18pm and Im just about to make a coffee - Im very drained - didnt get to do weights this morning but I will try to go about 5pm. Havent been really hungry today and have just wanted to dive into a swimming pool of chocolate - but I have resisted that temptation and have stuck to my nutrition. When I focus on the things I CAN eat, thoughts of gorging myself with shit disappears pretty quickly. Ive also been REALLY thirsty today - water - pee - water - pee.

Well, went and visited my grandpa this morning and they have decided to sedate him even more - which means no response - as they are fearing an infection in his lungs...I had to sit down when the doc was talking to me - I could feel beads of sweat dripping down my back - I was drenched when I finally left intensive care. I told the doctor I dropped my grandpa off at hospital and I am waiting now to pick him up - Im angry more than anything. Angry that the biopsy should have gone smoothly but didnt. Angry that he was so fine before he went in and now there are complications with his lungs. Its shit. Damn now the water works have started.

Things are struggling to register in my mind - I feel like Im in a dream - kinda like Im floating. Im lucky my family is very close - I dont feel alone - particularly with all you sending me your vibes. Thanks guys xxx

Rae - thank you I love this poem

Grandfather's Angel Wings
Ever unfolding,
Like Angels radiant Wings,
Is the Magical love and kindness,
That a Grandfather brings.

Ever unfailing,
As the sea that beats the shore,
Is the special care given to me,
That will grow forever more.

Ever timeless,
Like a feather falling gently through the air,
Is the love of my dear Grandfather,
To which nothing can compare