Isn't it funny the amount of challenges that can be thrown at you. After a wild weekend, which i won't go in to detail about... i just felt so gutted. I just get so confused at how i can feel like i can take on the world one minute and the next i'm sabbotaging all of my hard work and i feel like i've been possessed or something! arggghhhh....
so anyway after a particuarly frightful weekend...i've been trying to get my head in the right place... making another attempt to boot the ciggies once and for all, after a bout of heavy partying has left me all but energetic...so ... my sister decides to 'erase' me from her life...apparently in this technological age all as it takes is to press delete in your e-mail contacts and mob phone list and someones gone forever.... whtever, i won't write any more on that because i'm liable to start bawling again and it's a little embarrassing as i'm at work...but hey, i didn't have a smoke, and i wont because, you know sometimes when you've made a really good positive decision something frikkin evil just tries to rear it's ugle head and stop you.... ! has that happe2nned to you before.? So anyway, i'm even more determined than ever. Day 2 - i had a tantrum this morning than was fortunate enough to have a long chat to a great friend, as i sat there trying to justify that i had no reason at all that i wanted to give up i found the fighting power that i'd been lacking. You seee, i have always wanted to quit smoking but i never really found that driving force... you know the one that makes you grit your teeth and get the nothing will stop me atitude...the sme as what you get before becoming fiercly determined to lose weight...that pain you feel when nothing fits propels you into the most determined state you/'ve ever been in...
well, although i've wantedf to quit because of my health, i've never actually ever found that reason to fight like i mean it...(except once when i had ulcers in my throat... i quit for 12 weeks) well, my pain is my humiliation, the pain that something has somuch of a hold over me.... that it's killing me and really the ultimate humiliation would be to be diagnosed with lung cancer... knowing i could have done something about it. it wasn't until i tried that patches that i rtelaise the reason behind all my failed attempts was psychological...well maybe i realised before but didn't want to admit it....
anyway...i'm on day 2... which is embarringly enough the longes i've been in a long time without a smoke... one more day and i won't be fighting the nicotine any more.. it'll be that i'm just fighting me.... todays been hell, yesterday was ok... i'm off camping for 3 days at the end of the week so i'm going to make that my reward.
ok...i've partially cleared some of the junk from my head... only five and a bit hours left at work .... YAY....
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That which causes us trials shall yield us triumph:
and that which make our hearts ache shall fill us with
gladness. The only true happiness is to learn, to
advance, and to improve: which could not happen unless
we had commence with error, ignorance, and imperfection.
We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light.
--Albert Pike 1809-1891, American Lawyer, Historian
It is a great blessing to meet struggle and opposition with
whatever fire there is in us that is kindled by these. Life
does not mean merely following the softest road, the path
of least resistance; it is doing something vital. Hardships
and difficulties bring out the best in us and make us strong.
--Swami Paramananda
The one law that does not change is that everything changes
and the hardship I was bearing today was only a breath
away from the pleasures I would have tomorrow, and those
pleasures would be all the richer because of the memories
of this I was enduring.
--Louis L'Amour (1908-1988) American writer
I hope these help Kat... they are some of my favourite "courage and survival quotes" that have come in handy during some trying times in my life :)
Luv ya xxx
;-) xxx
Hi Kitty Kat,
How are you feeling today? Hopefully you got a good night's sleep and problems are looking a little less insurmountable today!!
Tough times never last, but tough people do.
--Robert Schuller
Luv Rae xxx
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