a little more on what Rae and Beki have been talking about...

i think at times some people think i'm going overboard with my workouts etc, like when i started this program all everyone asked was why? hmm... like i should have to explain it. THey couldn't fathom why i would want to put myself through another 12 weeks... why i wanted to lose more weight since i looked so 'great' ... Wehelll... they're still saying i look great...they'd say i looked great if i put 8 kg's back on... it's hard forever trying to justify yourself...

when my best friend and dan my partner had their combined 30th a few weeks ago, i told Jen (the girl whos 30th it was - and a very close supportive friend) that i wasn't going to drink...her reaction - well... if you think you can...in total shock and disbelief. That wasn't the reaction i was looking for. I've decided to keep all that stuff to myself from now on. I won't tell anyone i'm not drinking and make a big deal out of it, i just won't drink... and hopefully they'll be too drnk to notice that i'm on soda water :-) ppl who've never worked hard to achieve goals have got no idea how deflating it can be to sabbotage your efforts. THey have no idea what it's like to feel like crap for 3 days after drinking... craving bad food and missing work outs...
it's just not worth it anymore.

I could not handle getting to the end of this 12 weeks not getting the results i want and knowing that i didn't give it everything i have. After reading the latest Oxygen mag i've realised that i will not get the results i crave unless i stay on track as much as humanly possible. I have resparked the fire...it's like i'm heading towards my goal with blinkers on a hundred miles an hour, no one or anything will stop me from getting there... this is who i am now... the old me is dead... there will be no resurrection... i will not go back to that miserable place i started from... i feel the best i have felt in my entire life and i refuse to let anyone else try and drag me back. I'm having issues at the moment with people expecting me to suddenly turn back to the "old me" the funnioest thing is though that the old me sucked! the old me carried on like a pork chop, was depressed, miserable, overweight and had drinking problems...you think they'd be goddammned proud of me for beating your demons... the thing is deep down they are, but the strength you show them scares them and makes them feel bad because they too have things they want to change but don't have the guts to do it...they sweep it to the side and keep living their lives in an insignificant blurrr....

well, that's my opion anyway.

So yep - the Kat is back and more powerful than ever before.... bring on the hurdles because i really can't wait to jump over them.....